As for the writing, I suspect this may not be easy to believe, but I'm not really interested in making money off my writing. I'm not really looking to sell anything.
Believe me, I've given this much thought and examined my nature in a great deal of detail where writing is concerned and the truth of the matter is that I know I am good. I'm an excellent writer. And I don't care if anyone else ever reads what I write.
I'm completely confident about my knowledge of myself on this issue, and I'll explain a little of it here, just so you can rest assured that I've indeed thought this through.
So, we start with the fact that I'm good at it. And I enjoy it when I do it. When do I do it? Well, when I have something I want to say. Or when I have some people talking in my head telling me a story.
That still doesn't mean that I want to sell what I write, though, it only means that I need to express what I need to express. I firmly believe that anyone else in the world who needs to read what I write will either a) find my blog and keep going back, reading into the history of it though the category links in the sidebar, or through random clicks on the "older posts" links or post titles, until they feel satisfied, or b) ask me a question.
From the fiction angle, I have realized that I hate writing the boring bits. I only enjoy writing the scenes that come to me in a flash, fully discussed by my characters, and surrounded by tantalizing glimpses of meaning. People don't buy books with only the interesting bits written though. Generally speaking, in this world, people prefer to buy a story that holds together coherently that they can read straight through from point A to point Z and not get lost wondering how in the hell we got to point 123 when we thought we were in the alphabet.
I don't think that way, for the most part. I don't even enjoy reading that way, truthfully. My reading points usually go in an order (and yes, I'm talking about reading fiction here) more like: AB Z C P D EF T GH R IJ U KL Y X MNO P(yes, again then my mind goes... oh am I close to R now? So...) R Q R V S T(again) U(again) V (again) W X (again) Y (again) Z (again) and possibly, if I've really enjoyed the end, another Y and Z.
My type of writing fiction, hating transitions as I do, and only enjoying the meaningful scenes, is better suited to the stage or screen, I think, and maybe one day I'll give that a shot, if I feel so inclined. But that does bring it back to "sell! or write for everyone else!" which I don't care if I do. I know that in most people's minds, when one has a gift for something, one also has a duty to share it with the world. Unfortunately for most people though, I don't share that belief. Or more accurately, my belief on that level is a bit more subtle. See, I do share it with the world, but on a very small scale, and not out of duty. I share it with people who through serendipity or luck happen to stumble across it or ask for it. I figure that what I'm inspired to put "out there" on my own impulse, will be the thing that some random someone, somewhere will want or need to read. If not, that's fine too. I'm just putting it out there for me, then. If I'm forcing it, or trying to make it bigger than it is, then I'm just being stubborn, going against my nature, and creating the perfect opportunity for me to give myself "writer's block" because I'm going against what I believe. And what I truly do believe is that we all, through serendipity, find or are offered exactly what we need when we need it.
Every time I write, whether in a letter (like this one to you), a blog post, a rant, a journal entry, or a fictional scene... it's all really me writing to me. The rest of the world, or even one single member of that tribe, may or may not have the opportunity to read it. I may or may not post it where they can see it, or "do something with it", but it doesn't matter to me. The energy that I put into it is for my own benefit and enjoyment. If I tell myself a fictional story, then I've told myself a great story... better than a lot of stories I've actually read, honestly. And generally speaking, that's enough for me. I do enjoy sharing the cool scenes though (like on my blog) just because I think they're cool and think someone else may find them cool too. Particularly my friends and family who read there.
And interestingly enough, all of this to you has been something that I've been meaning to say on my blog, but never got around to putting into words. So, thanks for offering me, through serendipity, the opportunity to do what I want to do. And... I'm going to post most of this letter to you, there.
So now you know.



